Toast

I have a lot on my plate and I work so hard.
But at the end of each day there is no meal on my plate.
And I go hungry; starving myself of self gratification.
You only get what you deserve, and what I've got is shoddy.

Ecstasy.

Yes. I had my first experience with the love drug. I'm not afraid to admit it.
I'm sort of upset at myself for taking it, with all of the medical problems that can arise from it, but needless to say...it was the most amazing thing that I've ever experienced.
I'm not big on drugs or alcohol, but I admit that I would try anything once.
After all, how many times do you get to do something out of the ordinary in your lifetime?
You only live once, right?
It's kind of scary though. From experiencing the extreme euphoria that I was in...It's plain to see how easy it is to get addicted to Ecstasy.
You experience a happiness and a point of self gratification like no other.
I would absolutely love to experience that all over again, but I'm far too afraid of getting hooked.
One time was plenty enough for me.
But I am so glad that I had the opportunity.
I found an inner peace with myself and now I'm so content and satisfied.
I used to be horrified at the thought of what my impression on other people were and I was always striving to make everyone else around me satisfied before I could let myself relax.
Now..It really doesn't matter. I'm not completely happy but I'm not in a pit of depression either.
I wish I could cough up a deeper explanation..but I guess it's something that you have to experience yourself to fully understand.
I'm just...satisfied. :)

Unicorn vs. Narwhal

I love cartoons, I wont lie.
Forgive the bad animation.
Some of it is good, but you can tell it's not quite finished yet.
I got a kick out of it.

Think out of the box to get back in the box.

So, after being workshopped I realized that this class is...well, not up to par.
I'm not acting like I'm above the class or anything of that sort!
It just seems like a lot of the people are still in the high school mindset. I was expecting some professional feedback, but all I got back was "blahblahblahblah."
I was told that my piece was "too jumbled" and "needed order"...I completely understand that my approach was out of the box, but you don't always have to abide by every rule strictly.
If everything had order, there would be no chaos, there would be no inspiration, and there would be no variety. Come on now. Order is for squares!
I took a risk with this writing style and you have to think out of the box to get back in the box.
And a lot of people didn't do that. They stuck with the guidelines that they already knew.
Honestly, I felt like I was in grade school.
Sorry, but it's true. Not everyone was ridiculous though. I had some good and informative feedback, and that's what I was looking for.
I'm not going to point any fingers, but some people said things that were just, well, retarded. And they didn't make any sense whatsoever. It's kind of like they were just typing something random so they would have something to turn in.
Sheeeeeeeeeesh.
Has anyone around here picked up a book that's not The Cat In The Hat or something that's above the gradeschool level lately?

If I was gay, I'd marry Emily Haines.

No, not really.
But she does have a really incredible voice and artistic approach at music.
I think so anyways.
I love the way this video was shot.
It's so simple yet complicated.
I don't know about you, but I was a little inspired.

Presentation.

I had a lot of trouble with this assignment because there are sooo many things that I think are art.
Music, poetry, graffiti, standing up for what you think is true, hidden meanings, obvious meanings, drawings, paintings, photography, the human mind, how differently we each perceive things...it goes on and on and on.
But I finally narrowed it down to tattoos.
I think tattoos are really amazing. I love the whole culture behind them. I love that every tattoo has a story. I love that they have meaning to the wearer.
But, sometimes people mistake getting tattooed as a fad. And that ticks me off.
Or what happens a lot is that someone will see a tattoo on someone else and they will get the same thing tattooed on them...which makes the original lose it's aesthetic meaning. The more copies there are of something, the lesser value it has.
I'm currently becoming an apprentice and I design a lot of tattoos for people.







These tattoos were done for close friends. But I'm slowly starting to design for others as well. As of right now I am designing album art and a tattoo for Christopher Sweeney.

For my literary piece, I chose the song Gloomy Sunday by Artie Shaw.
There are many versions of this song but I heard this one on the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story and it's just so powerful that I can't get it out of my head.
There are a lot of urban myths about the song.
Originally dubbed the "hungarian suicide song" whether it's true or not, it's said that many people have committed suicide to the song and it was banned from nearly every radio station because it was just too deppressing.
I think that the whole Wristcutters soundtrack is amazing. All of the songs are by artists that have committed suicide or the songs are about suicide.
Here are the lyrics to Gloomy Sunday.

Sunday is gloomy,
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coaches
Sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts
Of ever returning you
Wouldnt they be angry
If I thought of joining you?

Gloomy sunday

Gloomy is sunday,
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and i
Have decided to end it all
Soon therell be candles
And prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep
Let them know that Im glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death Im caressin you
With the last breath of my soul
Ill be blessin you

Gloomy sunday

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy sunday

There is no music video for it. But I found a video of the Wristcutters trailer with the song dubbed over it.

A War With No End.

every day i dream
about the places i could be
where happiness resides

every day i dream
about what it would be like
if things weren't so unclear

i want to see color
i want to see emotion
i want to see vibrance

open my eyes
tell me it's okay to see
just tell me it's okay
just tell me it's alright

caught between two wars too many
my glass heart aches, i am paralyzed
if you could just tell me that it's okay
if you could just tell me that it's alright

i feel like jesus christ
carrying every soul's sin
throughout the darkness in life
trying to find the holy light

if i lead the way, will you follow me?
i will bring you to the light
i will bring you to your happiness
but what am i supposed to do?

will last night ring in your ears?
too many eyes are staring at me
too many souls whispering to me
what am i supposed to do?

i would follow my heart
but i'm not sure where it is these days
i don't know these paths so well
my memory is lost

it's okay, it's alright
everything is just fine
memory is just another burden anyways

everything will be fine
with this bottle of burbon
and a colorful cocktail of pills
i will teach myself to forget

is it something wrong
if this is what i want?
this is my time to fuck shit up

these are my troubles
these are my battles
these are my wars

this is something i have to do
i have to do on my own
please don't try to help me
no need for licking these wounds

i am a soldier
i speak of beautiful hate
and one day my soul will be saved


Not one of my better poems but whatever. I fail at writing so it doesn't really matter.
I'm a very visually expressive person.
That's why I doodle instead of using words.